"You cannot be lonely, if you like the person you're alone with" ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
Loving myself has been a significant stumbling block in my life. Today, it dawned on me that this one issue is and has been the root cause for so many of my relationship, financial, and success problems. For most of my life I have loved other people (always being the one to accept and love everyone for who they were), but this never fully translated to myself. In the past few years, this has affected my ability to be loving towards others.
The ways I was/am unloving towards myself and how I move towards loving myself:
- I am the first person to beat myself up for my mistakes, as someone I know once said "I have a baseball bat in every room" ready to criticize myself for what I said, thought or did. I had to forgive myself for my past mistakes, because they are in the past and the only way to move forward and create a better life is to let go and forgive. Forgiving myself is one of the hardest things for me to do, but I now know this is vitally important for me to do so.
- I had a tendency to hide parts of myself from others for fear that they would reject me, because if I didn't love me then they definitely wouldn't love me. Recently, with respect to my financial well-being, I was pushed into a making a choice (continue to hide or be open). I chose to be open and with each new day my ability to open up expands into all areas of my life. This in turn has proven to me that my fear of rejection was unnecessary and I am deserving of love too. Does this still come up for me? Absolutely, but I take a deep breath and dive right in to being me.
- When I would look in the mirror, I would see a very unworthy and unhappy person with many flaws. (I can look back on pictures through my life, the only ones where I look truly happy are when I was a child and when I started this blog 6 years ago. Those were times when I loved me.) What I did to resolve this... At first, I put up post-it-notes everywhere that read "I love you, Valerie". So each time I would see it, I would say this to myself. I know this sounds corny, but it really worked! Little by little, I started to believe it too. Now, each time I have an unloving thought about myself, I ask myself "is this true?". More often than not, it's "no" and the thought lovingly goes away. If it is a "yes", then I decide if this is something I can accept in myself or what do I need to do to make that better.
I am becoming the loving person that I am meant to be and each day I get more and more comfortable in my own skin again. For the first time in my life, I am completely okay being on my own and not striving for that next romantic partner. The more I open up to loving myself and the world around me, the more love and support comes back to me, which in turn makes me able to love and support right back. This just becomes a beautiful loving circle.
My wish for you is to love yourself, so you can project more love out into the world and in turn feel more loved.