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Saturday, May 29, 2010

Honesty truly is the best policy.

"Speak your truth always. Not to try to influence others, but simply to share with them. They make their own choices, respect them." ~ T. Ann Forrest

Honesty is a subject that I have struggled with for much of my life.  Only recently did I finally grasp what it really means to be honest and that it's okay to do so.  To be honest, doesn't only mean not telling a lie, it also means not withholding information, as well.  This not only includes your interactions with others, but also with yourself.

In the past, I have done my fair share of lying and hiding.  It was always done, because of a sense of fear...  fear of getting into trouble, fear of upsetting someone, fear of not being liked, etc.

For example, several years ago, I had a decent career in the computer field.  As time went on, I found myself unhappy with the career path I had chosen and was struggling, because I didn't have the passion for what I was doing anymore.  I continued lying to myself that this was a great job, I was making good money, and I was able to work from home, so what could be wrong with that!  As I became more and more unhappy, I would work less and less (of course not telling my employer this) and the quality of my work started suffering.  Needless to say, my employer eventually found out and I was subsequently fired from that job.  That one mistake continues to tarnish my job record, but it was a start to learning a very valuable lesson.

As I said before, lying isn't the only way to be dishonest.  Hiding or withholding information is a form all on its own.  In all of my past relationships, I would hide or try to change those parts of myself that are unchangeable that the other person wouldn't like.  In time, I would start to lose myself and start fighting my way back to being me or the truth would start to seep out slowly.  In every case, the relationship would end by me leaving to rediscover myself or by the other person leaving, because they didn't like what they saw.  Had I only been true to myself from the beginning, I would have saved both of us a lot of time and heartache.

A wise ex-boyfriend had a hand in teaching me a valuable lesson in being truthful and honest.  When I started this relationship, I was comfortable with myself and was completely honest with him about everything.  The honesty between the two of us was very much appreciated and I didn't worry about anything that I said. Granted the relationship ended, but for a very different reason.  The lesson I learned was this... by being truthful, honest, and staying true to myself, I was still intact when it ended.  It saved me a lot of heartache and sorrow that could have taken me a long time to deal with.

With these lessons, I found that each time I would lie or hide, one of two things would happen... I would be caught in a lie or it would eat me up to the point that I had to be truthful.  Therefore, whatever it was that I was fearing would happen anyways.  But most importantly, even if you've been truthful and your fear is confirmed, you can be comfortable in the knowledge that you didn't compromise yourself.

My wish for you is to discover who you truly are, let go of the fear, and to be honest with yourself and everyone.  You will feel more free and happy when you do and you will gain more respect from others, because you respect yourself.

Wishing you much love and happiness,
Val

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